Barack Obama, tired of being called an elitist professor-type, decided to perform in Reagan drag today, declaring on the Today Show that, far from responding ineptly to the oil spill, he’s actually ready to “kick some ass.”
Like most drag queens, Obama was fairly unconvincing as a man: only middle school boys and feminists think that men try to prove their competence by announcing to the world that they’re ready to find some “ass to kick.”
The Left was enraged when George W. Bush told Islamists to “bring it on,” crying breathlessly that he’d defiled the office with his juvenile cowboy chatter. Now that Obama is seeking “ass to kick” within corporations not even located out of the country he governs, they don’t seem to care — left-wingers are only driven into a sputtering rage over cowboy talk when it’s directed at their friends the Muslims.
I’m slightly peeved that, just a few days after I praised the president — something I hadn’t done since he didn’t put Bill Ayers on the Supreme Court — for his do-nothing approach to the oil spill (remember: we cranky conservatives like do-nothing politicians), he decided to revert back into his reflexive anti-business self and open up a Justice Department investigation against British Petroleum over “what went wrong.” Well, sir, we have the report back, and apparently mistakes happen from time to time. Tens of thousands of BP employees are already working on this spill. Obama’s a man who can’t take yes for an answer.
Now, which of the left-wingers who criticized Cowboy Bush will lob bombs at Obama? (Or are they evil teabagging racists who believe that black men can’t be cowboys? Haven’t they heard of Cowboy Troy?) I hear Helen Thomas is outspoken — maybe she can speak up against this saber-rattling.
Talk to Alex Knepper at firstname.lastname@example.org