Well, someone had to say it.

In his controversial new book The Bible of Unspeakable Truths, the host of Fox News’s Red Eye, Greg Gutfeld writes (p.25):

Laurie David, Al Gore, Prince Charles, and Arianna Huffington are in a quandary: How can they continue to lecture Wal-Mart shoppers about their ever-increasing carbon footprint, when they find themselves jetting all over the globe in private, gas-guzzling planes and sipping gold-flecked champagne from the skulls of bald eagles while watching snuff films on flat-screen diamond- encrusted DVD players?

Actually, we also know this book is controversial because it was recommended by the controversialist Ann Coulter. In fact, that’s why I bought it.

Here are some other unspeakable media truths from one of the funniest guys outside of your local pub:

You Can Do All Media-Related Jobs Drunk Off Your Butt

Reporters Are Always Fearless in Movies Made About Reporters

Katie Couric’s Life Is More Important Than the Average College Freshman’s (Even If She Looks Remarkably Like an Elf)

To the Press, People on Death Row Are More Interesting Than Their Victims

The Media Think Patriotism Is Embarrassing

Being a Jackass Isn’t an Illness, Unless the Media Deem It So

The Only People Who Want to Read Stories on the Homeless Are the Ones Who Wrote Them

Silly Theories Kill More People Than Guns

Garry Trudeau Is An Untalented Sack of Poop

The Media Want Health Scares to Succeed

Saying “Exactly” to Everything Will Guarantee Success in Media

Attractive People Don’t Write for a Living

The Only Difference Between You and an Expert Is Four Appearances on a Cable News Show

But the media establishment is but one area of society that requires a good kick in the head. What I like about Greg Gutfeld is that he hasn’t tried to sell me a yoga mat or a weird diet, to the best of my knowledge. Governor Mike Huckabee appreciates his “over-the-top” comedy too.  The uproariously funny Dennis Miller calls him “uproariously funny.”  To Tucker Carlson, Gutfeld’s new book is “subversive and good.” Andrew Breitbart of BigHollywood.com sees him as the “most incisive political writer on the right.” Matt Labash of the Weekly Standard even argues that Gutfeld “is funnier than all the smart people I know.”

Three more unspeakable truths:

Futurists Don’t Know Jack About the Future

If There Were Other Life Forms in Outer Space, We’d Eat Them (or Vice Versa)

“Experimenting” Means Using

Well, someone had to say it.

——

Ben-Peter Terpstra is an Australian satirist and cartoon lover. His works have been posted on numerous sites from American Thinker (California) to Quadrant Online (Sydney, Australia). For more information see, Pizza Trays and Beer Bottles.