Telegraph Avenue will be renamed “Wall Street West” and Shattuck Avenue will be renamed “Milton Friedman Boulevard.” The area within 4 miles of the University of California (CAL) campus will be declared a tie-dye-free zone, where no tie dyed clothing may be worn. Discounts to the BART and other forms of public transit will be offered to Berkeley residents wearing ties and jackets. All the “head shops” selling drug paraphernalia along Telegraph Avenue will be converted into barber shops and Bible stores. When not using public transit, travel in SUVs will be not only permitted but made mandatory.
Special retreats will be held for Berkeley residents still believing in communism. There they will be housed in Gulag barracks, woken up at 5 AM, and ordered to do physical labor without getting paid. Berkeley socialists can also be sent to the retreats, but they will only be woken up to work at 5:30 AM. Non-competitive sports will be prohibited during leisure time, only competitive sports allowed. Afternoon breaks at the camp will be devoted to generating greenhouse gases. On Saturday nights, “Dirty Harry” movies will be screened. Attendance will be mandatory. Vegan foods will be absolutely prohibited there.
Berkeley is of course only the beginning. After Berkeley is occupied by masses of marching conservatives, it will be the turn of Madison, WI; Amherst, MA; and of course San Francisco. Any city or state approving of medical marijuana will be targeted next. Cities undergoing occupation by OB will see reverse affirmative action implemented, whereby anyone who was harmed in the past by affirmative action programs will be entitled to preferences, compensation, and reparations.
Occupy Berkeley is growing, town by town, block by block, taser by taser. We are drawing bipartisan support from people sick and tired of the selfish indulgence of leftwing radicals and hippies. Unlike OWS, the only genders we represent are men and women. And we are accepting donations because we believe in materialism and selfishness.
We chant: “The world is watching!”; “This is how democracy looks!”; “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for!”; and “It is never too late for a spanking!”
Pages: 1 2
Why stop at Berkeley??How about Madison,Wisconsin??Please?
Hell, how about Occupy New York University? It isn't even all that far away.
he said that
Dang it, I was getting ready to by a plane ticket to Berzerkley to join in the movement. I wanted to sit around in circles, sing kumbya, eat pizza, and smoke cigars, but its not to be.
But really, that would be funny to see the freaks, and flights to Berk are cheap : )
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Good idea. Make that happen.
They could include an Affirmative Action Donut Sale.
yeah, where do I sign up?
As to the issue of the OWS folks being the "99%," I am not among the 1% of rich folks, nor do I count myself among the OWS types, so I guess the OWS really is something like the "98.99999%."
Great article. Wish we really made it happen!
Sounds like you've never even been to Berkeley and have no idea what you're talking about. How clueless can a person get?
Actually, this professor taught at Berkeley. That makes you the clueless one.
"Sounds like you've never even been to Berkeley"
I was thinking the same thing. I go up to Berkeley all the time and this clown's description can't even be called a caricature, because that implies an exaggeration of the truth or of an aspect of the truth. This is the exaggeration of a myth. But remember, he's writing for people who don' t get out much, they'll believe pretty much anything,. esp. about places like Berkeley.
To take one small example – the young street panhandlers (or "spare changers" as locals often call them). No one is more annoyed by them than people who actually live in Berkeley. But reading this nonsense you would get the impression that a) they are so numerous you have to wade hip deep through them to get down he street, and b) they represent or are embraced by the people who live there. Fact is most of them are runaways from middle America. In fact, i wouldn't be surprised is a couple of them fled the close minded and repressive homes of FPM readers!
The panhandlers hang around Berkeley because Berkeley liberals hand them out spare change. So just like cats will hang around your door if you give them food, the Berkeley liberals are the source of the problem.
You are such an idiot, really. The kids on the street in Berkeley did not come there because it's a panhandling paradise. It actually isn't, which you would know if you weren't a complete moron. It's part of a route that groups of runaways travel up and down the coast, and being around the campus means it's easier to blend in with students and avoid the cops. Berkeley has actually cracked down on homelessness (sleeping in public, etc) over the past 15 years pretty heavily. You would know all of this and avoid saying stupid sh*t if you weren't such a useless fool. Go now, Fox News is missing you
.
you people have way too much free time on your hands. You had your chance with your Tea Party rallies, now let the young people speak up.
I'm a "young person", but I am more interested in getting an education and surviving on my own rather than demanding a handout like those unwashed skidders at Wall Street are doing.
i haven't seen nor heard anyone asking for a handout ( i work 2 blocks away from the park). They are asking that Wall ST be held accountable, just like you demand that government be held accountable. Accountability has to go both ways, not just for the one you think is convenient and fits your agenda. OWS is spreading and will continue to spread, despite your ramblings and mudslinging.
You REALLY need to define what you mean by "Accountability" and by "Wall Street". W-a-a-a-a-y to vague. Spell it out. Details please.
Sort of like "common sense," "freedom-loving," "small gov't" and "socialist policies" that really aren't socialist?
How's this for an example? If, through fraud, you are responsible for bringing the nation's economy to its knees, you should get prison time. Not a multi-million dollar bonus funded by the tax-payer.
Accountability.
Ya, young people with liberal arts degrees that don't know diddly squat about Wall Street. The people that took out risky variable interest rate loans and speculated on the real estate market trying to get rick quick or simply upgrade their home so they could "keep up with Jones's" are just as greedy as Wall Street and just as responsible for the recent financial crisis. Don't blame 1% of the population for a problem that stems from a very sick American culture of spend spend spend and never save!!
Code Pink will be run out of town, and its headquarters turned over [rent-free] to the military recruiters.
This is probably the best satire FPM has run! Ever!
Excuse me but street people and pahhandlers are not the problem here. Occupy Berkeley sounded like a good idea until I saw that you didn’t know where the problem really is. We should occupy UCLA Berkeley and all the other ivory tower hate America factories and give them a taste of their own medicine. We should protest all the universities who teach students to hate America and use government funding to turn young students into enemies of our Constitution. It’s not the street people doing that, it’s the universities, the media and the people in power in DC. No Conservative can deliver a speech at one of these putrid universities without being protested. But you can praise Che till hell freezes over at all of these hate America institutions.
Berkeley has some of the highest real estate prices in the nation, and hotels are likewise expensive, pricing out the FPM-types. It takes A LOT of work to get into the U there, so you're not going to find a lot of slackers there. You will find some homeless folks to hang with, but you can find those in little flyover redneck towns too. Only the bums in Berkeley are smarter.
Only the chosen ones know "why Berkley" ))) We actually can go far beyond Berkley and US into international arena..Can you imagine a perfect world of thousands of movements of people competing for "better way of doing nothing"???
Plaut's dream world brings to mind an alternate universe in which the Third Reich won.
Trickybrain should be renamed No Brain
I would suggest that the OB movement commandeer Pacifica Radio's flagship station, KPFA, which located in the "tie dye free zone." KPFA could be converted into the official voice of the "Occupy Berkeley" movement. Replace Amy Goodman of Democracy Now! with David Horowitz and call it "Front Page Radio – KFPR."
This is the best idea yet!!
I am so glad you recognized Amherst for the boil on the backside it is. My officemate used to call the area "The Valley of the Unconscious" (It is normally called "The Pioneer Valley").
That's nice, 'Occupy Berkeley' and all that brings to mind. However, the last four Presidents since Ronald Reagan, a graduate of Eureka College in Illinois, have all graduated from Ivy League schools. The socialist education problem in America, while some is attributable to Berkeley, stems from north-east dominated universities that schooled George H. W. Bush, William J. Clinton, George W. Bush and Barrack H. Obama. I don't see a recent, or any Berkeley schooled Presidents. Try, 'Occupy the Ivy League.'
This whole thing is a liberal movement; a mass bowel movement.
Bvlgari watches sale are so authentic, luxurious, chic, and genuine looking. This is admired by most people in the world. There are many reasons of Cartier watches sale success. Breitling has achieved much success since its foundation. If you want to buy a ReplicaDior watches sale, it is necessary for you to know the history of Breitling watches.Breitling was founded by Leon Breitling in 1884 in St Imier with the specific purpose to advance chronographs and counters for accurate and automated applications. In 1892, to face up to the unstoppable advance of his company, Leon Breitling decides to backpack his workshops to La-Chaux-de-Fonds, city of the Emporio Armani watches sale industry in those days. Louis Breitling dies en 1914 and leaves his son Gaston Breitling in charge. One year later, Breitling creates the aboriginal wristwatch chronograph. Later, he continues to accomplish several cogent developments in this breadth and bartering the aboriginal wristwatch instruments to aviators Franck Muller watches sale.
Often the people who clamor for tolerance are among the most intolerant people in our society. The only acceptable prejudice of our day is the bias against Christians.